October: A New Normal

Hi friends and family, 

I realize I haven't posted an update in a little over a month, so I would like to update you! Overall, I will say things that once were brand new are now becoming the new normal. Things that were once unknown and scary are now known and not as scary. 

        

I've had two treatments since the last time that I had posted. During my third treatment, there were some complications with my IV. I will share about that more in a separate post following this. There are some cool stories that came out of that day. However, essentially they are going to need to start inserting what's called a midline IV above my elbow prior to each of my last two appointments. (It is so surreal to me that I only have two left!)

If you haven't seen me post about it yet, one of the biggest things that have happened over this past month with my cancer journey is that I bought a wig! And I love it! I had asked for prayer about moving forward and finding a wig in my previous posts. Thank you for praying. As I have blogged about in a previous post, hair loss has probably been one of the hardest parts of this journey. I wore scarves for about a month before actually being able to go in for a wig consultation. I was always aware of how different I probably looked to others and how I reminded others (and myself) of my illness when I looked in the mirror.

So, as I moved forward, I made a list of wig shops and asked others for recommendations for places to go. I ended up going with a business called Susan's at Antinino's Salon in Birmingham. It was formerly a well-known shop in Pleasant Ridge called Susan's Special Needs. During our first interaction on the phone, Susan, the shop owner, shared with me how she is a breast cancer survivor herself and has also been an oncology nurse. Her sharing this with me instantly connected me to her, and I felt known and seen in a new way during this journey.

My mom met me for my appointment on a sunny October afternoon in downtown Birmingham. Susan met us at the front of the salon and walked us through to the back of the salon. The room had a salon chair, a mirror and a few muslin heads lined up in the back with wigs. Susan looked at a picture of me about a month or so prior and what my hair looked like. She then headed up to pick out wigs for me to try. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to take pictures throughout the process to show you! She pulled out a variety of styles, but mainly blonde, wigs. I enjoyed trying on different lengths, cuts, layers, and even a few different colors, and discussing them with my mom. Trying this out is not something that many people get to do before committing to a new haircut, but it was really fun! 

So, I landed on a wig that honestly made me feel pretty and allowed me to feel like myself. It's a wig with real human hair, so I can curl it and style it.  Since I had been wearing scarves on my head for a month, I had craved feeling like myself again. I also wasn't expecting this but Susan had explained to me how I was able to go home with the wig that day. I was so shocked that I immediately started to cry big tears of relief. While so many people have been kind and affirming about how I look in my scarves, I still have personally struggled with this. It brought about a level of comfort that I hadn't felt in months.

Another big part of the past month or so have been some new challenges during my treatments. I had complications with my IV during my fourth treatment. This lead to a much longer day and a lot more poking in my arms than myself or the doctors had anticipated. This has honestly lead to new feelings of anxiety for me, especially leading into chemotherapy days or any association with IVs. I prayed and asked others on social media to pray that day about my treatment, as well. They did and it was powerful to see how God answered. I was thankful. 

As you may have noticed, I like to wrap up my posts with what God is teaching me lately or revealing to me. I've shared how I have struggled to trust God and to trust that He is good, but God still seeks after me. He still reminds me tangibly through things like a text message or note from a friend or a beautiful view of the fall colors. He knows me and each one of us so specifically and uniquely (Psalm 139), and knows those things would encourage my heart. It's also encouraging to me to be reminded of His goodness and how He works in other's lives. And when I get discouraged about why God has allowed this to happen in my life, I've been encouraged by a couple verses in John 9... 

"As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him" (John 9:1-3)

Being diagnosed with cancer, one might think I did something wrong or God is punishing me. It's honestly been the opposite. While I struggle, it has been such a sweet blessing to witness the ways God is working despite my illness. And hopefully, others get to see how He is working in my life, as well. I did not choose this path. We often don't choose the paths and direction that our lives will take. But God knew. And He always knows. This gives me confidence and hope.

Praises from Prayer Requests: 

• Continued mild effects during the drug Rituxin as they've given me the drug at a quicker rate
• I'm learning to let go of what this season should look like & give myself what I need each day
• I bought a wig!

Prayer Requests:

• Today I get the results from my Petscan during my day at Karmanos. Prayers that the tumor has shrunk or is completely gone.
• My reaction to and side effects of this round.
• My anxiety getting my IV inserted, that it goes smoothly and there are no complications